The (Sort Of) Truth About Men

Ever since Eve was accused of tempting Adam with the forbidden fruit, male/female relations have been stormy to say the least. Throughout history women have been known to get a bad rap. Has there been a centuries long conspiracy against women? Or have they simply been misunderstood? Or even envied? There is no doubt, just as history is written by the victors, most of what has been written about women was written by men.

Yet despite men’s efforts to disparage women, it is men who are the easiest to criticize and in this day of equality, it seems men, more often than not, are getting their comeuppance. But has the pendulum swung too far? Is it men who are now getting the bad rap? Putting this argument to bed, so to speak, is far beyond the scope of this article. However, I do hope I can engage both sides, male and female (and even the undecided) to clarify blatant fallacies, dispel myths, set the record straight and shed some light into the heart of darkness: the truth about men and their relationship with the fairer sex even if the fairer sex are not always fair to men.

So here we go:

People say women are the finer sex. Most guys say any sex is fine.

Men can’t cook. True. Men throw meat on an open fire pit, call it dinner and then call it a day.

Convention says Hell hath no fury like a women’s scorn. Men in the know say Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn, frustration, jealousy, anger or shopping mall parking rage.

More love songs have been written about women than men. That’s why they call it the blues.

Men can’t keep their eyes off women. Not true. Some men can’t keep their eyes off men.

Men don’t even know when to change their clothes. Sure they do. As soon as they start attracting cats.

Men can’t follow instructions. Who needs instructions on how to crack a beer?

All men think about is sex. Not true. Men also think about hamburgers. And golf. And football. And fishing.

Men don’t know when enough is enough. Seen the recent divorce statistics?

Men don’t remember anything. Yes they do. They remember how badly they played their last game of golf.

Men say women drive them crazy. As does assembling Ikea furniture.

Men never remember anniversaries. Google “motivated forgetting” and Sigmund Freud.

You never send a boy to do a man’s job. Are you kidding? How else do you think we win wars.

Men will never stop and ask for directions. For good reason. Whenever a stranger asks them anything, they always respond, “Get lost.”

Men don’t buy romantic gifts. A vegetable slicer and dicer isn’t romantic?

Men: you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. And don’t you forget it!

Men don’t pick up after themselves. Men pick up women. Doesn’t that count?

The only time a man gives a woman flowers is after he’s done something wrong. Actually men also give flowers when they know they are about to do something wrong. It’s called a preemptive strike.

Men are insensitive. Get over it.

Men don’t know when to quit. Ask a man to dust. See a man quit.

Behind every great man is a woman. OK. And behind every slob is what, exactly?

This is by no means exhaustive and I am convinced readers will be able to add or embellish the list we have here. I encourage you to do so.